Betting On The Bettor by Dennis Lange

    Betting on the Bettor

The automaker bets on self
   In selling warranty.
I put my confidence in them –
   Don’t buy; our bets agree.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2013.

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A Rodent Riddle by Dennis Lange

A computer mouse and another computer mouse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

          A Rodent Riddle

The tiny creature in a house
   That sends some ladies running,
In singular, is called a mouse;
   It’s sneaky and it’s cunning.

In plural, mouse and mouse are mice;
   As such, they’re more appalling.
Those dirty rodents aren’t that nice;
   They make one’s skin start crawling.

But with computers, comes a glitch –
   Those hands-on little critters
We sometimes curse as cursors move
   Are causing plural jitters.

The mouse is what I speak about
   There’s trouble in the naming.
It’s not quite nice to call them mice -
   That plural seems defaming.

But on the other utter hand,
   If we should call them mouses,
It is a horrible faux pas,
   To real ones and their spouses.

I have a grand solution though,
   Like house moves on to houses.
Let’s start all over with new word
   And move the mouse to mouzes.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2013.

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Faithless Nelly Gray by Thomas Hood

       Faithless Nelly Gray 

Ben Battle was a soldier bold,
   And used to war’s alarms;
But a cannon-ball took off his legs,
   So he laid down his arms.

Now as they bore him off the field,
   Said he, “Let others shoot;
For here I leave my second leg,
   And the Forty-second Foot.”

The army-surgeons made him limbs:
   Said he, “They’re only pegs;
But there’s as wooden members quite
   As represent my legs.”

Now Ben he loved a pretty maid, -
   Her name was Nelly Gray;
So he went to pay her his devours,
   When he devoured his pay. 

But when he called on Nelly Gray,
   She made him quite a scoff;
And when she saw his wooden legs,
   Began to take them off. 

“O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!
   Is this your love so warm?
The love that loves a scarlet coat
   Should be more uniform.” 

Said she, “I loved a soldier once,
   For he was blithe and brave;
But I will never have a man
   With both legs in the grave. 

“Before you had those timber toes
   Your love I did allow;
But then, you know, you stand upon
   Another footing now.” 

“O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!
    For all your jeering speeches,
At duty’s call I left my legs
   In Badajo’s breaches.” 

“Why, then,” said she, “you’ve lost the feet
   Of legs in war’s alarms.
And now you cannot wear your shoes
   Upon your fears of arms!” 

“O false and fickle Nelly Gray!
   I know why you refuse:
Though I’ve no feet, some other man
   Is standing in my shoes. 

“I wish I ne’er had seen your face;
   But, now, a long farewell!
For you will be my death; – alas!
   You will not be my Nell!” 

Now when he went from Nelly Gray
   His heart so heavy got,
And life was such a burden grown,
   It made him take a knot. 

So round his melancholy neck
   A rope he did intwine,
And, for his second time in life,
   Enlisted in the Line. 

One end he tied around a beam,
   And then removed his pegs;
And, as his legs were off, – of course
   He soon was off his legs. 

And there he hung till he was dead
   As any nail in town;
For, though distress had cut him up,
   It could not cut him down. 

A dozen men sat on his corpse,
   To find out why he died; -
And they buried Ben in four cross-roads
   With a stake in his inside.

 

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Just Doing His Job by Dennis Lange

      Just Doing His Job

 I questioned the plug in my sink,
“Growing up, what is it you think
     You’ll turn out to be?”
     Not answering, did he;
He stopped me as quick as a wink.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2013.

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A Poet’s Wooing by James Whitcomb Riley

         A Poet’s Wooing

“What may I do to make you glad,
To make you glad and free,
Till your light smiles glance
And your bright eyes dance
Like sunbeams on the sea?
Read some rhyme that is blithe and gay
Of a bright May morn and a marriage day?”
And she sighed in a listless way she had, -
“Do not read – it will make me sad!”

“What shall I do to make you glad -
To make you glad and gay,
Till your eyes gleam bright
As the stars at night
When as light as the light of day? -
Sing some song as I twang the strings
Of my sweet guitar through its wanderings?”
And she sighed in the weary way she had, -
“Do not sing – it will make me sad!”

“What can I do to make you glad -
As glad as glad can be,
Till your clear eyes seem
Like the rays that gleam
And glint through a dew-decked tree? -
Will it please you, dear, that I now begin
A grand old air on my violin?”
And she spoke again in the following way, -
“Yes, oh yes, it would please me sir;
I would be so glad you’d play
Some grand old march – in character, -
And then as you march away
I will no longer thus be sad,
But oh, so glad – so glad – so glad!”

 

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Name That Creek by Dennis Lange

Name That Creek

Fuzzy Creek’s a mystery
Ev’ry time I cross it.
I think of him who named the place,
What there was to cause it.

Did he live by and find the creek,
Deem the water fuzzy?
Or had he tippled just a bit,
So fuzzy wuzzy was he?

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2012.

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Buckingham Palace by Dennis Lange

Buckingham Palace

In Buckingham, the English say,
When in the best of humours,
There are at least six hundred rooms
And twice as many rumours.

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* There are 775 rooms.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2012.

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Where There’s A Pill There’s A Way by Dennis Lange

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Where There’s A Pill There’s A Way

Hear words, my child
From worried wise,
Who sees the world
Without its guise.

…A pill for this,
…A pill for that.
…A pill to gain,
…A pill for fat.

…A pill for nerves,
…A pill to sleep.
…A pill for height,
…A pill to leap.

But listen, child:
It used to be
That men were tough –
Tenacity!

…We willed to change;
…We willed to stay
…True to ourselves.
…We willed our way.

…A will for this,
…A will for that.
…We willed to win;
…Will’s where it’s at.

I’ve listened sir.
…Your words are true.
……Will is the way
………For all we do.

…………Since all in all
……………Is hardened will,
………………Do you, wise sir,
…………………Have pill for will?

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2012.

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Crossing The Channel by Dennis Lange

Crossing The Channel

If we brought them before a wise panel,
Those people who say they can channel,
We’d give them a test
To channel a guest -
Someone who’s not dead but in flannel.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2012.

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Three Miscellaneous Haiku by Dennis Lange

No More Mr. Mice Guy

Told you once.
Not saying it twice –
Fish, not mice!

(photo by fishmonk a http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mExrsNi/c+a+t )

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Got Snow?

Please hire me!
I’ve got the best one -
Milk mustache.

(photo by Columbine at http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mku4Qkw/Powderhound%21 )

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Handy New App

This party!
It’s oh so boring!
Push button.

(photo by michaelaw at http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mGBQ5Nw/escape+2 )

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