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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Good folks ever will have their way –
Good folks ever for it must pay.

But we, who are here and everywhere,
The burden of their faults must bear.

We must shoulder others’ shame,
Fight their follies, and take their blame:

Purge the body, and humor the mind;
Doctor the eyes when the soul is blind;

Build the column of health erect
On the quicksands of neglect:

Always shouldering others’ shame –
Bearing their faults and taking the blame!

Deacon Rogers, he came to me;
“Wife is a-goin’ to die,” said he.

“Doctors great, an’ doctors small,
Haven’t improved her any at all.

“Physic and blister, powders and pills,
And nothing sure but the doctors’ bills!

“Twenty women, with remedies new,
Bother my wife the whole day through.

“Sweet as honey, or bitter as gall –
Poor old woman, ,she takes ’em all.

“Sour or sweet, whatever they choose;
Poor old woman, she daren’t refuse.

“So she pleases whoe’er may call,
An’ Death is suited the best of all.

Mrs. Rogers lay in her bed,
Bandaged and blistered from foot to head.

Blistered and bandaged from head to toe,
Mrs. Rogers was very low.

Bottle and saucer, spoon and cup,
On the table stood bravely up;

Physics of high and low degree;
Calomel, catnip, boneset tea;

Everything a body could bear,
Excepting light and water and air.

I opened the blinds; the day was bright,
And God gave Mrs. Rogers some light.

I opened the wind; the day was fair,
And God gave Mrs. Rogers some air.

Bottles and blisters, powders and pills,
Catnip, boneset, sirups, and squills;

Drugs and medicines, high and low,
I threw them as far as I could throw.

“What are you doing?” my patient cried;
“Frightening Death,” I coolly replied.

“You are crazy!” a visitor said:
I flung a bottle at his head.

Deacon Rogers he came to me;
“Wife is a-gettin’ her health,” said he.

“I really think she will worry through;
She scolds me just as she used to do.

“All the people have poohed an’ slurred,
All the neighbors have had their word;

“‘Twere better to perish, some of ’em say,
Than be cured in such an irregular way.”

“Your wife,” said I, “had God’s good care,
And His remedies, light and water and air.

“All of the doctors, beyond a doubt,
Couldn’t have cured Mrs. Rogers without.”

The deacon smiled and bowed his head;
“Then your bill is nothing,” he said.

“God’s be the glory, as you say!
God bless you, Doctor! Good day!  Good day!”

If ever I doctor that woman again,
I’ll give her medicine made by men.

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mlCuLUm

The donut’s a puzzle to me;
The hole has not one calorie.
I should then be able to eat
A hundred or more of that treat.

A hundred times zero is NONE!
It should be that eating’s just fun,
A feast that is purely for taste.
But still they all go to my waist.

It could be the problem’s my rule –
Examine with care my sweet jewel:
I don’t think I’ve eaten the hole
Until I have eaten the whole.

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photo by Michael Lorenzo at
http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mlCuLUm/doughnut

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© Dennis Allen Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2017.

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mlkx9ey

Some humor is not quite as funny.
It’s salty, not sweet as pure honey.
It’s whimsy and wit,
And some laugh a bit
For they find this humor is punny.

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photo by Billy Frank Alexander at
http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mlKx9Ey/Monkey

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© Dennis Allen Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2017.

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He said WHAT!!?
Should I have said that?
He said WHAT!!?

I heard wrong?
What do I say now?
It’s awkward.

Should I ask?
That would clear things up.
Oh, I can’t!

Say something!
(Says) “It’s a nice day.”
“Yes, it is.”

Yes, heard wrong.
Whew! Doesn’t seem mad.
(Both) It’s love.

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photo by Chlandra4U (C4U) at http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/nWF2fie/Love+Owls

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* The haiku I write are lines of 3-5-3 syllables instead of 5-7-5.

See Haiku article here for explanation, if needed:
https://thebardonthehill.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/haiku/

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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There once was a lass from Nevada
Whose actions were filled with bravada.
The spelling I know –
It should end in “o”,
But once she whipped Spanish Armada.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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The moon and the sun are providing
This minute a sky that’s exciting.
I’d like to say “howdy”,
But here it’s too cloudy.
So I’m at my desk these lines writing.

I wish, since I can’t see the wonder,
Because the thick clouds will not sunder,
That it would just rain –
Pitter patter my pane.
I’d like to see lightning; hear thunder.

I’ll guess I’ll just wait till the next one.
In two ought three three, there’ll be more fun.
Egads! I’ll be old!
……Oh.
I shouldn’t have told.
……Sigh.
Eclipsed super moon brought admission.

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I did get to see the eclipse. After I had
written the second stanza, I checked the
sky again and the clouds had parted and
there was the red moon in the heavens.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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A little leaning is a dangerous thing
When on the Eiffel Tower.
One leans too far fall summer winter spring,
And it’s his final hour.

A little learning of that dangerous thing
About the Eiffel Tower
May mean that one is ignorant still to cling
When it’s within his power.

Too little learning with a little lean
And dive will not be shallow
Into the Pierian spring. Instead, the scene
A fatal one, they’ll hallow.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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The bird with the beep beep so throaty –
Roadrunner – was chased by coyote.
But speed didn’t match;
He never could catch
That bird with the feet that were floaty. 

We kids were all fed that same story
And so the roadrunner got glory
He didn’t deserve
‘Cause someone with nerve
Made slower the faster – lied sorely.


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A coyote is faster than a roadrunner:
http://10000birds.com/how-fast-can-a-roadrunner-run.htm

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

 

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I’m traveling now to Las Vegas
With doubts of the saying that’s famous.
It stays there; it’s through,
Is certainly not true
For those who find something contagious. 

I’m traveling now to Las Vegas
With doubts of the saying that’s famous.
It’s certainly not true
None knows what you do:
God watches, remembers; He’ll pay us.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015

 

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The sign says that rocks may be falling.
A pebble,  a stone could come calling.
If those, I’m okay,
But this thought holds sway:
A boulder would be quite appalling!

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photo by Michael and Christa Richerta at http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mXP25De/rockfall+traffic+sign
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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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