Why The Chicken Didn’t Cross The Road by Dennis Lange

I tell you this story, my mouth pursed, a pucker,
That all of the blame can be placed on a trucker.
…For whatever the reason,
…It wasn’t the season,
And eighteen big wheels just ran over the clucker.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2016.

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Feminine Endings by Dennis Lange

There once was a lass from Nevada
Whose actions were filled with bravada.
…The spelling I know –
…It should end in “o”,
But once she whipped Spanish Armada.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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A Little Leaning by Dennis Lange

A little leaning is a dangerous thing
…When on the Eiffel Tower.
One leans too far fall summer winter spring,
…And it’s his final hour.

A little learning of that dangerous thing
…About the Eiffel Tower
May mean that one is ignorant still to cling
…When it’s within his power.

Too little learning with a little lean
…And dive will not be shallow
Into the Pierian spring. Instead, the scene
…A fatal one, they’ll hallow.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas by Dennis Lange

I’m traveling now to Las Vegas
With doubts of the saying that’s famous.
…It stays there; it’s through,
…Is certainly not true
For those who find something contagious. 

I’m traveling now to Las Vegas
With doubts of the saying that’s famous.
…It’s certainly not true
…None knows what you do:
God watches, remembers; He’ll pay us.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015

 

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Not Dateable by Dennis Lange

I don’t know what he saw in her,
…Or what she saw in him.
But like the garbage and the trash,
…The two became a “them”.

And I’m not saying they weren’t matched,
…Or that they ought not pair.
It’s just that neither was a catch,
…And neither rich, or fair.

And don’t mistake the last as praise
…As faint as Texas fog
At noon on any summer day,
…Or faint as hair on frogs.

There are those whom all know excel
…In one or many ways.
There are those whom we all can tell
…Of something less to praise.

But sometimes we just shake our heads
…And cluck-cluck like a hen
At people who are thorough breads –
…The heels with naught to win.

At lunch, she bit her nails and spat;
…She ate, and picked her nose.
To pick and eat is worse than that –
…And that’s the way he chose.

He’d laugh and snort just like a horse;
…She’d whinny in reply.
And both were wheezing in due course
…As if they both might die.

He’d eat a fruit and toss the peel
…Behind him on the floor.
She’d pick them up and make a meal
…When he tossed number four.

They were great athletes of a kind.
…After the licks and slurps,
They’d reach down deep to see who’d find
…The longest, loudest burps.

They both drank beer and bellies grew
…Like bubbles blown with gum.
They’d lift their shirts, those zany two,
…Laugh, beat them like a drum.

Their teeth were snaggled like a fence
…Of broken, rotted boards.
Stains made their mouths both dark and dense –
…Tobacco’s chewed rewards.

They made a pretty pair of mates,
…A pretty awful pair.
They both were truly heavyweights,
…A duo ripe and rare.

We’re glad, that paired, they found their groove.
…We owe them greatest thanks.
In marrying, they did remove
…Each other from the ranks.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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Analyze and Anatomy

A pupil in a poetry class was asked to write a short verse using
the words “analyze” and “anatomy”.  Here is what he wrote:

My analyze over the ocean,
My analyze over the sea,
My analyze over the ocean –
O, bring back my ana-to-my.

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From The Speaker’s Book of Illustrations by Herbert V. Prochnow

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Cartoon Frustration by Dennis Lange

It seems Elmer Fudd had a habit –
He never could catch that dang rabbit,
…Bugs Bunny, that is,
…The joker and whiz.
So Fudd always muttered, “Dagnabbit!”

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

 

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The Lady Of Fashion by Dennis Allen Lange

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…………….The Lady Of Fashion

I know what I’ll wear if there’s smoke in the air –
…I prep for it with a hot passion.
I cannot be caught like a babe – unaware;
…For I am a lady of fashion. 

The touches I add will bring praises by all
…(For frills, I am filled with compassion):
White lace and white gloves and a pink parasol,
…For I am a lady of fashion. 

In case of a fire, I’ll escape in great style
…Though faces around me be ashen.
I’ll stroll down the steps with a red carpet smile.
…So said the grand lady of fashion.

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photo by drow at
http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mWyqkOy/fire+escape

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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Speeding Toward An Exit by Dennis Lange

……..Speeding Toward An Exit

At ninety, there was a slight shimmer.
One hundred – I felt a strong tremor.
…I increased my speed,
…Which made my nose bleed.
And prospects for life were much grimmer.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

 

 

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Remote Controlled by Dennis Lange

……..Remote Controlled

By tv remote we’re controlling
When switching the channels and trolling.
…We lose it; we’re cursed.
…Control is reversed.
It wins and we’re way past consoling.

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© Dennis Lange and thebardonthehill.wordpress.com, 2015.

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